Pablo Picasso - "Weeping Woman" (1937)
I want to burrow deep in the earth and never move again. Nothing makes sense. I don't feel solid or rooted. It's like I'm floating through a black void.
When your parents are gone, you touch a loneliness that is unspeakable. It's like the past is wiped out. I was with my mother for 36 years. All those decades are gone. No one remembers our life together except me.
Everything loses importance. I can't stand the internet and social media anymore. All the nonsense that people care about. I guess I used to care about some of it, too. Now, I'm ashamed of the time I wasted, scrolling my life away. I won't do it anymore.
In one horrible flash, I saw what truly matters. I saw how precious and sacred life is. Maybe I saw it too late. I'm surrounded by people who can't see what I have seen. Her death brought clarity, but I don't know what to do with it.
I don't recognize myself. I don't know who I am or what I want or why I'm here or how to be in this world.
Her death has broken me.