William Wyler's 'The Heiress' (1949)

[00:00:18] Hello! Welcome to another episode of Her Head in Films. I'm Caitlin and I'm your host. On this podcast, I share my thoughts and feelings about the films I watch. They tend to be art house and world cinema. What makes this podcast unique is that I weave together my life experiences with a personal and emotional discussion of film. I explore the impact that cinema has on me and why I connect so deeply to it.

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[00:01:20] On today's episode, I'm talking about William Wyler's 1949 film, The Heiress. Olivia de Havilland plays Catherine Sloper, a shy and sheltered woman living with her cold father in Washington Square, New York in the mid-1800s.

[00:01:37] When she meets an attractive and alluring man played by Montgomery Clift, she falls passionately in love for the first time, but their relationship will force her to confront painful truths about love and desire.

[00:01:50] I talk about how the film explores heartbreak and transformation and how it charts a woman's devastating but powerful journey from innocence to experience, from illusion to reality, and toward a deeper understanding of herself. There are spoilers in this episode. This is a very powerful film for me in my life.

[00:02:14] I first saw it in 2019, before I went through certain experiences. So re-watching it almost seven years later, in 2026, I find that it was just as powerful as the first time I saw it, and it has grown in intensity for me.

[00:02:36] I want to be honest that some of what I'm going to talk about in this episode will be emotional, and it might be raw. I had a very intense reaction to the film. I was crying during a lot of scenes because I deeply connect to and identify with Catherine Sloper.

[00:02:59] There are many things about her that mirror my own life, and I'm going to be digging into that as this episode goes on. I quite like William Wyler. I've seen several of his films, and I think The Heiress is my favorite that I have seen so far. I also love his adaptation of Wuthering Heights, starring Laurence Olivier and Merle Oberon.

[00:03:26] And I've thought about doing an episode about that film because I love the Bronte sisters. I love Emily Bronte. And I have a very vivid memory of watching that film for the first time. I was a teenager, and I watched it on Turner Classic Movies one night by myself, and I have never forgotten it. And it made me fall in love with Laurence Olivier.

[00:03:50] And I was just amazed by that film, but I have not watched it in a very, very long time. So I'm a fan of William Wyler. And as much as I love his version of Wuthering Heights, I think The Heiress is definitely my favorite film by him. First, I'm going to just give some information about the making of the film. I'm not going to go too deeply into that. And then I'm going to dive right into the film itself.

[00:04:19] At its heart, I see this film as one about profound transformation and a transformation that happens through pain, wisdom that comes through suffering. But it is a wisdom that must be found.

[00:04:37] And I think that there are lessons in life that we have to learn for ourselves, that no matter what other people tell us, and I think love is the realm where this happens. Love, desire, romance. It must be experienced for ourselves in order for us to learn certain lessons. Right before I started to record this episode, I came across a clip from a really interesting interview with Toni Morrison.

[00:05:07] I think I'm probably going to try to go find the full interview that she talked about when she was teaching and what she would tell her students. And she said, don't settle for happiness. Happiness is not enough. I'm paraphrasing some of what she said. Life can't just be about what makes you feel good. She says it must be about the acquisition of knowledge and wisdom.

[00:05:35] She says that in her books, by the end of her novels, that is what people have found. They have learned something about life, learned something about themselves, and it's important and it matters. And I thought that was such an exquisite quote from her. That life is not about what makes you feel good. It's about the acquisition of knowledge. And what does knowledge do? It transforms us.

[00:06:05] This is a film about a woman losing her illusions. It is a woman who has stripped away fantasy. She has to look at life and look at men and look at all kinds of things. And she has to look at the reality and the truth. And she has to live in truth. And I'm someone who, for a very long time, lived in my dreams. Lived in my dream world.

[00:06:32] And I had my own Morris Townsend, in a way, that I met in 2020 when I went through a very devastating experience of unrequited love. I've talked in depth about it in another episode about Fassbenders, the bitter tears of Petra von Kant. But I will refer to the experience in this episode. I had my own Morris, in a way. It was so painful.

[00:07:00] It was one of the most painful experiences of my life. And I have been through a lot. I have lost both of my parents. I sat by my mother as she died last year. And when this man didn't love me back, it broke something inside me. When I went through my experience of unrequited love. But it also woke me up. And it stripped me of illusions that I don't know if they were serving me. And I am wiser now.

[00:07:29] I am a different woman than I was in 2019 when I watched this film. Because when I watched this film the first time, I had not met a Morris. I had not fallen deeply in love with somebody who couldn't give that back to me. But I have now. And I'm a different woman because of it. It woke me up out of sleepwalking, perhaps.

[00:07:55] And I used to be somebody who was in the dreams and the fantasies. And I didn't know how to face life. I'm 36 years old. And I still don't know if I can face life. But I know that it's important that I do. I know that it's very important to live in truth. To live in reality. Even when it's painful. And that's what I see in Catherine. I see a lot of things in Catherine.

[00:08:24] And I'll share all that as I go through this film. Fundamentally, she's a woman who goes through a metamorphosis. And it comes through terrible suffering. But she is awake. Sometimes you have to touch the hot stove. Sometimes you have to go through the pain. We go on this journey with her. Olivia de Havilland takes us on this journey that this woman goes through.

[00:08:48] From a naive and innocent woman to one who is quite powerful and strong. She belongs to herself at the end of this film. She does not belong to her father. She does not belong to Morris. She belongs to herself. And I had to go through something a little bit similar. Through the man that I met. Through having love withheld from me. That I had always ached for.

[00:09:18] And desperately wanted. And it was denied me. It still denied me. And for better or worse, that experience changed me. Is there a hardness in me? Is there a bitterness? Maybe. I won't say that it's all great. And maybe there's a hardness in Catherine, too. The cruelty that Aunt Lavinia talks about at the end of the film. But I am wiser. And I am more protective of my heart.

[00:09:47] And I value myself more than I did before. I value my love. And I don't want to just give it to anybody. I see Catherine's act at the end of that film as one in which she is sovereign. And she honors herself and respects herself enough to walk away from someone who cannot love her. And she does not settle.

[00:10:16] Like Toni Morrison says, she could have settled for what made her feel good. She could have settled for a fantasy. But she chooses transformation, even though it's painful, even though it's hard. And I think that is a very important aspect of this film, is that transformation that she undergoes. That metamorphosis. A woman going from one form to another.

[00:10:42] I've always been fascinated by myths where women shapeshift and change. Daphne is a really great example where she turns into a world tree. But there's others out there, isn't there? We go through experiences that fundamentally change who we are. We have to decide if we will stay in the dream world. If we will stay in the fantasy. Or if we will wake up to reality and we will stand in truth.

[00:11:10] And it's one of the hardest things that I've had to do in my life. Is to face life itself. To face reality. And to change. To let myself change. I can't stay the little girl forever. And there's this part of me, I think, that always wanted to live in my girlhood. Live in my childhood. Because I lost my father as a teenager.

[00:11:36] And I have not had a lot of romantic experience. I feel like in some ways, I stayed infantile or something. I stayed in a childlike kind of haze or something. Even though I'm a 36-year-old woman, I feel like a child still in a lot of ways. And it has been so hard for me. Because I am a dreamy person. I love art and literature. And I like being in the dream worlds.

[00:12:06] And all of that. And those are beautiful. They're beautiful to move into. And then you have to move out of them. You can't live in them forever. And that has been the hardest. One of the hardest things for me. Is to live in reality. To be in real embodied life. And not my head in the clouds. Right? Which is where the podcast name even comes from. Is that I was always this dreamy, ethereal, had my head in the clouds type of girl.

[00:12:37] And I haven't known how to be in the world. I haven't known how to be in reality. Through my own painful experiences, I've had to. I've had to stand in truth. And there is a wisdom that has come through the pain. It was necessary. Even when I was in it, it was so deeply painful. It took me years to get past it. I don't know if I fully will ever recover from it. But I see it as it had to happen so that I could change.

[00:13:07] I could learn about myself and about life. Like Toni Morrison says. The thing that would have felt good is if this person had loved me back. The thing that might feel good for Catherine is to live in her fantasy that Morris loves her when he doesn't. But she chooses to change. She chooses knowledge. And knowledge can come with suffering.

[00:13:30] When we wake up to the world and we wake up to something that we don't want to face, that can be very painful. Can't it? I see it as a journey of self-actualization in a lot of ways with this film. So very briefly, I just wanted to talk about some things with the making of the film. So our cast is Olivia de Havilland as Catherine Sloper. And she was around 33 years old when she made this film. Montgomery Clift as Morris Townsend.

[00:14:00] And at times he's called Mr. Townsend in the film. I'm just going to call him Morris. We have Ralph Richardson as Dr. Sloper. And I will call him either her father or Dr. Sloper in my episode. And we have Miriam Hopkins as Aunt Lavinia. So that's our cast. So the film is inspired by the Henry James novel, Washington Square.

[00:14:24] The film is an adaptation, though, of a stage play that was also based on Washington Square by Henry James. The film is actually more true to the Broadway play than it is to the novel. William Wyler made sure to stick to the play. And the play was written by Ruth and Augustus Gotts. It was also called The Heiress.

[00:14:52] Olivia de Havilland saw this Broadway show and she approached William Wyler about adapting it. She was really interested in roles like this that would give her more range and psychological depth. And she was coming out of a really great run in her career. She had been in The Snake Pit. And then she won an Oscar as well for To Each His Own. That was what she was coming out of when she made The Heiress.

[00:15:22] And eventually The Heiress would lead to a Golden Globe for her and her second Oscar. And this is certainly one of my favorite female performances. I think that Olivia de Havilland's acting is superb. She takes us on a journey with Catherine. Like I said, from the naive, innocent girl to a very wise woman.

[00:15:49] Like I said, Wyler really stayed true to the play itself. I have not read the novel by Henry James, but he definitely stayed very true to the stage play. The only thing is that Paramount, who produced the film, they wanted to make sure that Montgomery Clift didn't come off as a villain in this film.

[00:16:12] And that is why there is some ambiguity around the intentions and the motivations of Morris Townsend. I don't know other people's experience of the film when they watch it for the first time. But when I watched it in 2019, I remember having some uncertainty about, is Morris a good or bad person?

[00:16:35] There are times throughout the film where we're kind of given alternative intentions that he might have, right? He is not shown as some mustache twirling evil villain. He is shown in a way that it's not black and white. And he does come off, because Montgomery Clift is such a great actor, and I think he was perfectly cast in this film,

[00:17:02] because he is so attractive and charming and alluring. I think that also softens the character, where you give him the benefit of the doubt. Like, oh, maybe he is a good guy, or maybe he's just lost. Maybe he's just drifting. Maybe he's not intentionally trying to hurt Catherine. Because even Aunt Lavinia brings up things throughout the film.

[00:17:27] After he leaves Catherine, and later on when he circles back, Aunt Lavinia is like, oh, well, maybe he didn't want you to lose your inheritance. So at times his actions are construed as, oh, maybe he's being selfless, or maybe he's being thoughtful. Or I just remember not being sure for a lot of the film, is this a good guy, or is this a bad guy? Maybe there are things that we don't know.

[00:17:57] Maybe there are reasons why he didn't show up. And I think that that is just a testament to how charismatic Montgomery Clift is. It's like, you don't want to think that he's this bad, terrible guy, right? And they said that some of the viewers of the film sent in fan mail saying that they wanted, you know, Morris and Catherine to run away together. They really wanted there to be a happy ending to the film,

[00:18:26] because they loved Montgomery so much, I'm sure. But with my second viewing, now that I'm older, and I've had my own experiences with men, and I've had my own awakening, it was like really clear to me that this was a scumbag, and that he was using Catherine, and that he wanted her money. And he's certainly not a selfless person.

[00:18:53] You know, he blows through his own money, his own inheritance, or some money that he gets. He doesn't help his sister. This is not someone who's thinking about Catherine and how his actions affect her. And it's very clear that he wants the house, he wants the money, he wants the luxury that would come with being with Catherine. But it's just interesting to note that I do think there's some ambiguity,

[00:19:21] and William Wyler wanted that in the film. He actually took out some lines that made it more clear what Morris' intentions were. He wanted there to be some of that suspense and ambiguity. And I think it works well for the film because men like Morris don't always come off bad at first. They, you know, men who are manipulative or two-faced,

[00:19:51] they can come off very attractive and alluring. And I think you need that in the film because it makes sense why Catherine falls for him, why she trusts him, why she believes that he cares about her. If we write off the bat fault that he was this terrible person, I just don't know if it would work as well. I think the film does a really brilliant job, a really brilliant job of making you wonder, is this like, what's this guy's intentions?

[00:20:20] But with the second viewing, knowing what I know about the film and just my own changes as a woman, I guess, to me, it's very clear that he is using her. And it's interesting to note that this film is part of the National Film Registry. So that's like a really great honor. So now I'm going to go through the film and talk about different things and share my thoughts and feelings about it.

[00:20:45] Like I said, when I watched it the second time, seven years after my first watch, I was very emotional. And I didn't expect to be as weepy as I was, but there were things about the film that just hit me in a very deep way. Something that hit me is, particularly at the beginning of the film, is how naive and sensitive and lovely Catherine is.

[00:21:14] She loves embroidery. She doesn't even want to go out. She doesn't want to go to like any parties or anything like that because she wants to stay at home and do her embroidery. There's something very like fragile about her and sweet. Yeah, she's awkward and she doesn't really know how to act in social situations. We see that at the engagement party for her cousin and when she tries to dance and different stuff like that.

[00:21:44] But I find that endearing about her, that she isn't a perfect dancer. She's just, she's very good hearted, but she also comes off quite sheltered. This is not a woman who is worldly necessarily. You can tell she doesn't have a lot of experience with men or anything like that. So even though Olivia de Havilland was around 33 and obviously this is a grown woman and you can tell that

[00:22:13] there's something about Catherine at the beginning of the film that's kind of childlike or a little bit juvenile or maybe, maybe a better way to describe it is emotionally underdeveloped, perhaps. She just doesn't seem like she's had a lot of experience. She doesn't have those social graces and I can relate to that. I mean, I've always struggled in social situations. I've had social anxiety and things like that. I wouldn't say that I'm the life of the party.

[00:22:43] I'm somebody who has always been very invisible in the world and not really noticed by other people or valued and I could relate to this sense that she's a misfit. She's an outsider. She doesn't know the lines. She doesn't know the rules. She doesn't know how to play the game. Right? She's very authentic but we live in a world where in social situations in order for you to navigate them you do have to be

[00:23:12] a bit artificial. You do have to act in a certain way. You have to know the right lines and the right moves and all of that and Catherine lacks that. There's something unpolished about her and a bit raw and rough around the edges. They give Olivia de Havilland just very simple clothing, simple hair. She's not wearing a lot of makeup. Olivia de Havilland was a beautiful actress and they just made her a bit more plain.

[00:23:42] Right? They just sort of downplayed her beauty because normally she's very beautiful and attractive but you can tell that she doesn't fit in and she's not accepted. You can tell her father has some disdain for her, compares her to her mother but another important part of the story is that she doesn't have her mother at all and it's implied that the mother may have died giving birth to Catherine and so Dr. Sloper resents her

[00:24:11] and he compares her to his late wife and of course Catherine never lives up to that and she's never going to. She didn't ask to be compared to her dead mother. He has decided to hold her to that standard for some reason. He is not able to love her and a big part of this film when I talk about her transformation, when I talk about her acquisition of knowledge in the words of Toni Morrison

[00:24:40] and the wisdom that she finds, it's not just Morris, it's her father, right? This is a woman finding out essentially that her father does not love her. She really has to free herself from two men in the film obviously. She is a woman who is cut down by other people but particularly she is cut down by men and I think that if you're a woman, particularly if you don't fit beauty

[00:25:09] standards in some way, you will know that experience. You will know that you don't, that you are not wanted by men, that they do not seek you out, that they do not see you and that they want to cut you down and they want to diminish you and that's been my experience in my life that men have continuously diminished me to the point where I've had to stay away from them. That's what Catherine pretty much does. She doesn't have a lot of experience

[00:25:39] with men but the little experience that she has like with her father is not positive and even at the engagement party this young man dances with her and then just leaves her. He says he's going to go get her something to drink and he never comes back and you can tell what that rejection does to her. This is really a film about a woman cut down by men as I said but it shows the consequences of that for a woman. It shows the consequences

[00:26:08] and what it does to your soul to be a woman who is not loved by the men in her life who is not wanted, who is not desired, who is not adored and protected. A woman who is excluded and I've lived that. There are many women who live that. She feels unattractive, undesirable, unimportant, uninteresting. That is how she's treated by other people and you can tell the way that she shrinks

[00:26:37] herself and how small she feels in the world at the beginning of the film. That she's someone who is not valued. That the world does not embrace her. It does not turn toward her. She doesn't attract people. She doesn't have that about her. She's rejected and she's made to feel less than. You see what that does to her. That's why I saw so much of myself in her. I understand

[00:27:06] how being rejected by people, how it limits your life. It limits the possibilities for who you can be. You're not really outgoing. You're not really gregarious because you feel like nobody's interested in what you have to say. I can relate to her being an outsider and a misfit and feeling thrown away by the world perhaps. I know what it's like to feel unseen, to feel

[00:27:35] invisible and undesirable, to not have people reach for you, to not have people respond to you in a kind and warm manner. I understand that and I'm 36 years old and I wish that I could tell you that it's changed and yet I'm 36 and at times I feel like I am still a 14 or 15 year old girl who didn't have many friends, who sat by herself in the cafeteria at school.

[00:28:05] And actually a time came when it was so unbearable to me to sit in the cafeteria alone that I would go to the library during lunch hour because I couldn't bear it. And I wish I could say at 36, oh I've turned it around. Right? I didn't go to prom. I never had a boyfriend. I never dated. I so want to change that story and that narrative. I think I've always wanted to. I've always wanted to show people like you were

[00:28:34] wrong about me. I am beautiful. I am worthy. And I think that was part of when I had my own unrequited experience with the man that I met in 2020. It's like this is again why I understand Catherine. Because that's what happens with Morris. Is that you want to prove everybody wrong. All the people that think you're nothing. All the people who think that you are small and unimportant and ugly and worthless.

[00:29:04] My grandfather treated me badly. Men in my family treated me badly. The only man who loved me was my father. And he died when I was 16. So I lost that. The rest of my life I've had no men who really loved and cared about me. And when I met this particular man in my 30s when I was 31, I wanted him to make up for all that. I wanted him to prove everybody wrong. Like no, I'm not small. I'm not ugly. I'm not

[00:29:34] unworthy. I'm not undesirable. And that was what made it so devastating when he didn't change that story for me. And the thing is like with Catherine, her story doesn't change either. Or Morris can't change her story. And I guess that's what I've realized through this film as well. A man can't change the story. You are the author of your own story, your own life. You have to be the one to change it. I have to be the one to

[00:30:04] change it. So if the world tells me I'm ugly and unattractive and uninteresting and unworthy and unlovable, which is what I've been told since the time I was a little girl, and I am still told that to this day, then I have to fight back against that. I have to resist it. I have to refuse to buy or believe that narrative about myself. And what I see at the end of the film

[00:30:33] is a refusal on the part of Catherine as well. And I see her stepping into a self-authorship. I will write my own story. And these men will not be part of the story, right? Isn't that what she's doing in some way? It's a refusal, but it takes time for her to get there. And it will take time for every woman to get there. You don't have to be a spinster to relate to Catherine. You don't have to have had my life either to relate

[00:31:03] to Catherine. Every woman has a moment or has multiple moments throughout her life where she realizes she's being cut down. She's being diminished. She's not being respected. Or she is believing a story about herself and she has to rewrite it. She has to be the author of her own life. And maybe that's cliche to say that, but I think it's the truth. Her father's not gonna love her. Morris is not gonna love her. So what do you

[00:31:33] do when you can't find the love that you want and that you need? That's part of the devastation of the film. Is her coming to consciousness about the men in her life and also about can I find the love that I need? Because Morris is not offering it and her father didn't offer it. Will you be able to find that love from other people outside of yourself in the world where you live?

[00:32:03] And I've often asked myself this. Will I ever be loved the way that I need to be loved? Will this world give that love to me? And I don't know if it will. I don't know if it's possible. So what do I do instead? How do I live my life with self-respect, with dignity? Because I see Catherine choosing dignity, as well. How do I live it with sovereignty, with sacredness, with knowing the sacredness of

[00:32:32] myself, of knowing I am fully lovable and I am fully enough as I am in this moment. And that nobody gets to say that I am not enough and no man gets to say that I have power over her. Her father dies and she refuses to marry

[00:33:02] Morris and rejects him. It is stunning to watch a woman go from what she was at the beginning of this film, naive and innocent and bumbling and awkward and to watch her ascend that staircase. That is a profound metamorphosis and it is hard won. She goes from being small and unseen to standing wall and no longer shrinking herself but she has to go

[00:33:32] through the pain and when she meets Morris at that engagement party I continue to be fascinated by the way that our lives collide with other people's lives. It is an endlessly fascinating thing to me because I've often stopped and I thought what if I didn't meet that man in 2020? Why did he come into my life? How did I be if I had never met him? And so when Catherine and Morris

[00:34:02] meet at that engagement party she has no idea the way that he will change her life. I think what's hard about it is that he seems different from the other men. He brings her the drink he dances with her and Montgomery is so brilliant in this role so charismatic so alluring and you really trust him. Maybe he really likes her. He's so understanding and so

[00:34:31] patient with her right? You want it to work out for Catherine. You feel for her. You want her to have a different story. We always want to root for the underdog and that's what Catherine is. We want to believe that she's found her stabilizes us a little bit in terms of is he genuine or

[00:35:01] not throughout a lot of the film particularly with the first watch with the second watch I think he's a slime ball but with the first watch you don't fully know but I think this works well because men who are like Morris men who can be manipulative or maybe they're using you trying to get something from you they can start out supportive and nice and kind and curious about you we watch her get pulled

[00:35:31] in by it we see why he would be irresistible to her why he would be seductive why she would let's be honest lose her mind over this man and hey I don't judge it because I lived it I lost my mind over a man I never thought I would and then I did so I never judge anybody when it comes to matters of the heart now it feels very mutual he does a great

[00:36:01] job at making her feel that it's mutual he doesn't treat her like her father does he doesn't say the things to her that her father says to her he comes off very kind and that is what hooks you that is what confuses you even and something that I hate is when people say well you know men only want one thing people say that men just want sex and I hate when people say that because it can give

[00:36:30] some women a sense of safety for instance if you're not seen as attractive or if you don't fit beauty standards it can from my own experience that is not the only thing that a man wants and it is not the only thing that a man can take from a woman sex is not the only thing a man can want

[00:36:59] attention validation access to you access to something that you have when it comes to Catherine it's her money and her inheritance a man may want emotional labor or emotional support there are many things that a man can take from you that have nothing to do with your body or how you look and have nothing to do with sex and I think it's important to be aware of that Catherine isn't aware of it Catherine doesn't know that it doesn't even occur to

[00:37:29] Catherine that this man would be doing all this would be going to all of this effort just to get her used because she doesn't operate that way she's not transactional and she doesn't use other people but there are lots of reasons why men can seek you out and there are many things that a man can take from you even if he

[00:37:59] never touches your body even if you never have sex with him and even if you never have a romantic connection with him there are other things that can be taken from you that are also precious to you like your time your care your attention so it's important that the film makes him not so much a mustache twirling villain as I said earlier but makes him I think more complex and

[00:38:29] more believable that's how he gets access to her loses her mind he can treat her as a human being or seem to treat her as a human being and also be using her both of those things can exist at the same time a man can be really kind and sweet and he can also hurt you that's just the truth and she trusts that it's real and that it's genuine

[00:38:59] because her her own intentions are so good and so pure she just can't even fathom that somebody would take advantage of her and that's a beautiful thing about Catherine I will say this I know that it's maybe not safe to be naive and to be innocent and to be soft hearted in the world today or to be kind hearted but it is a beautiful thing to be that way isn't it we don't

[00:39:32] that we have to lose our illusions it doesn't mean we have to become hardened or you know really bitter and ugly and resentful and all of that but I mean even for myself it's like how do I find that balance how do I be wise and discerning and protective of myself without becoming very hard and cynical and jaded because I want to hold on to my softness I want to hold on to

[00:40:01] my tenderness and my kind heart I even want to hold on to my dreaminess there are parts of me that I don't want the world to take away from me or my experiences with men to take away from me and I do try to hold on to some of that but I do have to be protective of myself as well and it's just so heartbreaking to watch that she finally when she meets Morris she finally believes

[00:40:31] that it's her time that she's not the outsider anymore that she gets to dance with a man she gets to be the heroine of her own story she gets to get married instead of watching from the sidelines as other women get to have those things and I think that's what can be so intoxicating about when you get in something that's maybe unrequited or you get in something where you want to believe a person

[00:41:01] loves you or cares about you when actually they're using you she wants to have that love story to be courted to have the experiences that other women get to experience instead of just doing her embroidery alone at the house right she gets to be part of a new narrative like I said earlier it's like something's finally happening for her that's part of what makes it so heartbreaking is that it's this chance for her to step out of that old narrative

[00:41:31] and to feel loved to feel chosen but the problem is that everything happens too quickly that also struck me as I watched it the second time I was like oh this is happening too fast there's no way this man fell in love with her in a few days right it's so clear that he is coming on way too quickly and her father Dr. Sloper clocks it

[00:42:01] Dr. Sloper does his due diligence he looks into Morris and finds out ball right who's gonna blow through it and

[00:42:31] waste it so Dr. Sloper is very wise about Morris but he has ulterior motives for that it's not coming out of the goodness of his heart or because of his love for Catherine it's more of a desire to protect his own money and I got to thinking about the title of the film when it comes to Catherine relationship to her father heiress so it's about an inheritance but what

[00:43:01] is the inheritance in this film I don't think the inheritance is just the money I think it's also about what do we inherit from our family and our parents and I think for Catherine she inherits a lot of pain from her father her life is painful also in that she doesn't have her mother so there's an abandonment there and even though it's implied that her mother died in child birth her mother didn't choose to abandon her but I lost

[00:43:31] a parent early in my teens as I've shared it registers as abandonment even if it's not intentional it's an absence as well so she's lived with the absence of her mother and the absence of that love that she could have received and her father never really loves her and so she inherits pain and she inherits a story about herself from her father that she's less than that she doesn't compare to her mother that she's not

[00:44:00] interesting that she's just good at embroidery that somebody like Morris would never want her she inherits all of that from her father it's one of the things that he passes down to her is that pain the ideas that we have about ourselves at times are not our own and they don't come from us they can often come from other people in our lives and in our family in our immediate family right so it's not just money that she gets from him she

[00:44:30] inherits an entire story about herself and about her worth and that is what I think pushes her into the arms of Morris now that Morris has come along he will love her he will care about her he will choose her above all else and out of all the women that he could have and so that's why she falls into it so quickly they barely known each other that long and she wants to get engaged and she wants to be with him and

[00:45:00] when I had my own experience of unrequited love it was very quick it was like I it was I've described it as a lightning bolt where I met this man and I immediately felt very intensely about him I didn't know much about him at first I eventually obviously did get to know him but it was immediate for me and I never experienced anything like that I was 31 years old and I never felt anything like that lightning bolt that

[00:45:30] hit me and I think that's what happens with Catherine is she so desperate to escape that story that her father has passed down to her and she wants a different life because I think also when we get into these unrequited unreciprocated dynamics it's about that person I don't want to say that it's not it certainly is but it's also about who we imagine we could be with them a different life a hope for our lives a different

[00:45:59] version of ourselves that we could be by their side and if they love us and approve of us right you live your whole life with a certain script and a certain story about yourself and your life and then something comes along and breaks through and you're presented with this alternative story about yourself and about what could happen for you and I feel like that's partly what Morris represents and that's what makes him

[00:46:29] so powerful it's what makes men like this so powerful for I guess women like me is that it's the dream it's the dream of who else I could be if he loved me so instead of her being the spinster with her embroidery living living with her father on Washington square she can leave that she can walk out of

[00:47:07] up you you get a man I don't know if it's changed that much there is still immense social pressure placed on women particularly when you get into your 30s as I am that this is the path you find a husband you find a partner you have a child you settle down that is the path she rejects that path at the end of the film and that's also what made

[00:47:37] also rejecting that path I am creating another path for myself like I said I have to be the author of my own life and I don't yet know what that looks like but Morris represents another life for her but the problem is that she wants a new life with different life with a man who cannot be trusted and a man who is not good for her and is not good we learn things about Morris throughout the

[00:48:07] film right he doesn't have a job he blew through an inheritance he really didn't do anything to try to take care of his sister who raised him and so Dr. Sloper sees Morris as a fortune hunter that's what he calls him because Catherine is going to inherit $20,000 from Dr. Sloper she to give her that inheritance if he doesn't agree

[00:48:37] with who she marries and it's another way that Dr. Sloper exerts control over Catherine is through money I will control what you get to live on after I die it's another way that he can control her even beyond the grave Dr. Sloper knows that Morris is using her that he only wants her money Aunt Lavinia and another woman there's a scene where they're begging him to not take away Catherine's

[00:49:07] happiness that this could kill her this is what makes her happy and then they bring up that maybe Morris has good intentions you don't really know his intentions maybe he'll make her happy maybe he will love her they're begging him not to take it away from Catherine because she's waited her whole life to be seen and loved and cared about this is her chance at happiness Morris is her chance at something better so instead he

[00:49:36] compromises and he wants them to wait when it comes to the engagement postpone the engagement for six months and we'll go to Europe and he proposes that right and something that occurred and I think it's almost a rite of passage for a lot of women to have a bad relationship or to be treated terribly by a man it's something

[00:50:06] that every woman has to learn in her own time and in her own way I'm a 36 year old woman if I had my own bad experiences and I know a lot of other women who have had their bad experiences the thing is that a lot of women in their 30s and 40s are recovering

[00:50:36] from the trauma that men caused them in their 20s or at any age a man can cause you trauma I'm going down a path of not dating not doing any of that I'm choosing more of a spinster path I've never dated I have never been in a relationship like I said earlier men have not shown interest in me I just had this experience of this unrequited love and that was the thing that happened to me

[00:51:05] but since then it's not like I've had other opportunities or things have gone in the direction of me finding any kind of love with a man and for me I think that's the path I want to stick to is staying away from it and not really going near that and not dealing with men so if I told a woman who's 25 don't date just stay away from it do you really think that's reasonable do

[00:51:35] you think a 25 year old woman is going to not date yeah there are some who are going to stay away from it chances are a lot of younger women are going to believe that they're the exception that they will be the exception that they will find the knight in shining armor they will find the needle in the haystack they will find the good guy and they are going to spend a lot of time and a lot of effort doing that and they are going to have

[00:52:22] and sometimes women go through it earlier if you start if you're I never dated in my teens and twenties so maybe I would have been wiser earlier right I didn't get this wisdom until I was 31 until I you

[00:52:52] go from being a girl to being a woman and how do we mark that usually the threshold is falling in love it's first love it's the first relationship with a man we tend to define women in that way that's when you've become a woman is when you're you you're with a man so what what does that mean for the spinster so what is the spinster right of passage and I think for women like me who have never had

[00:53:22] romantic experience that sometimes the rite of passage for us is unrequited love it's heartbreak from a man but not through being in a relationship or having sex with a man but being rejected by one not getting the man not being loved by a man and I feel like that happened to me with my experience of unrequited love that that was in a way I

[00:53:52] crossed a threshold and that was like me going through a kind of rite of passage is that my awakening it didn't come through falling in love with someone who fell in love with me it came through the opposite it came through the suffering and the heartache and the heartbreak that's how I guess in a way I lost my innocence I didn't become a woman through having sex with a man right like we tend to define that like you know it's very misogynistic of like

[00:54:21] losing your virginity and stuff like that but if you're a spinster and you've never lost your virginity or whatever then what is the rite of passage and for me it was the heartbreak it was the unrequited love and I think that's what Catherine is going through to a certain extent this is her rite of passage is this man not loving her it that is what leads to her wisdom her growth really moving into womanhood

[00:54:51] moving into adulthood I would say and it comes with the loss of illusions and sometimes that rite of passage it's not just not being loved but it's also realizing you are not loved in maybe that's some of the bleakness of the film Morris doesn't love her will she ever find that love and she may not I think it should I really get frustrated with people who say oh you'll find

[00:55:20] somebody there's somebody for everybody or it'll happen one day I am 36 years old and it hasn't happened no I don't know the future but I know my life I know how I'm not seeking it out I'm not looking for it I would not shut it out if it organically happened in a safe and mutual way but for a lot of women it doesn't happen and you don't meet somebody

[00:55:50] and it should be okay to say that maybe it won't happen and have been used she should not have had to go through what she went through with Morris she should have been able to be in a mutual loving relationship with a man and that is not what she got there was nothing wrong with her and she

[00:56:19] deserved to be loved but that is not what life hands us at times but this is her rite of passage and she has to go through it it is what opens her eyes and it is brutal and there's a grieving process when you stop and you think oh maybe I'm not gonna find the love that I seek maybe I'm not gonna find the love that I ache for maybe there's not somebody out there who's gonna be able to love me for all that I am I don't know it's

[00:56:49] unanswered as of right now it is unanswered I know that the only people who truly ever loved me were my mother and father that's it and they're gone so I do not know if I will ever know love like that again or anything close to it and it's best to just grieve that and acknowledge it and face reality about it she should not have been used like a tool or an object as I watched the film I also felt very angry for her

[00:57:19] I felt angry for the way that her father treats her I felt angry for what Morris does when he abandons her when he doesn't show up because I understand what it is like to feel that way to feel thrown away or discarded or treated poorly so I felt very emotional and weepy as I was rewatching it and then I also felt angry for her that she was fragile and innocent and naive and I didn't want her to be hurt I

[00:57:49] didn't want her to have to go through that heartbreak I didn't want her to be treated like an object by this man I fragility to the performance she's just like this little baby bird that I want to protect from this ugly man who just wants to use her for her money it is so

[00:58:19] degrading right it's so gross but you can't protect her forever you can't protect her from her father either and we have that big explosive moment when she finally sees the truth of what he thinks about her when he why would Morris want to be with her there are many more women with more beauty and charm and the only thing that she has going for her is her money and she is so shocked by it that scene where

[00:58:49] he finally expresses his true vitriol and disdain for her and she calls him out on it you know what a cruel thing to say to me that's essentially what she my father was not mean and cruel toward me my mother had a very negative relationship with her father and I watched my grandfather I don't even really like to call him that I'm estranged from him

[00:59:19] I'm estranged from all of my family on both sides he was very cruel toward my mother and cruel toward me very hurtful toward me and in Dr. Sloper that's who I saw I down and hurts women and doesn't care a cruel cold heartless man and I've been near that coldness and it will shake you to the core when you are in the presence

[00:59:49] of it and you can tell how she's physically affected by it by seeing the truth of what her father truly feels about her in a way I'm reminded of Autumn Sonata by Ingmar Bergman and that is such who really cannot love her daughter and I think I said in my episode about that film that we have people in our lives and our families who lack the capacity to love us in the way that we need to be loved

[01:00:19] and that is the tragedy of Catherine's life is that she is deprived of the love that she needs she has a cruel father and he just deflates her and left in her chair it's like watching a flower wilt in real time it's I feel like Olivia de Havilland's performance is very embodied it's very visceral but that's what she captures in

[01:00:49] that moment in her voluminous dress and sitting in that chair and her head is down and you're watching a flower wilt it's like the petals of a flower are withering in front of a man by

[01:01:18] a man not being able to love you what that does to your soul she so desperately wants to be loved she wants to believe that Morris loves her that it is real that it's genuine it's mutual and true and this is the first time where she has to confront that her own father doesn't love her and you can feel her heart break and the way it destroys person in your life

[01:01:48] does not love you or care about you and I think the cruelty of her father it makes you wish even more that Morris is good like you want Morris to genuinely love her you want him to swoop in and to care about her and when she runs into his arms in that scene after her father and she runs into Morris arms in the rain she just melts into

[01:02:18] him it's so emotional and he's holding her and they're kissing each other I was crying I was just sobbing as I watched this film because this is a woman so deprived of love so desperate for it so starved for it and she is drinking in this man she is drinking in that moment of being in his arms it's like finding water in the desert when

[01:02:48] he kisses her and holds her and touches her and if you have not lived it if you have not lived what Catherine has lived what I have lived then you don't understand what that moment is you don't understand what it is like for her to meet him and you cannot understand it when you live your whole life without it and then you think you think maybe you have a chance at it it it's that

[01:03:17] almost for me that still haunts me it never went in attention I still remember when like I was watching the talented Mr. Ripley recently the one with Jude Law in it

[01:03:47] and Gwyneth Paltrow and Matt Damon and there's such a great quote in that one Gwyneth Paltrow is talking about the Jude Law character that's the one his name is Dickie and Tom Ripley is obsessed with Dickie for a while Dickie had given attention to Tom Ripley and then he took it away and there's this scene where Gwyneth Paltrow is talking about Dickie and talking about how you know when he pays attention to you it's like the sun shining on your face and that's what it felt

[01:04:17] like when I finally got a taste of that kind of attention or what I thought was like lived it if you haven't lived without it your whole life then you don't know what it's like when you think that you have it and so when she's in his arms it's like nourishment when you're watching the second time you know what it's all leading to you know that it's not real you know that

[01:04:47] he doesn't love her you know that she's going to lose it and you're just watching this woman be destroyed by these men you're watching a part of her or a version of her being destroyed and I feel that in myself I understand her hunger for love I understand why she wants it to be real with Morris she wants to run into his arms and for him to make it all better and she wants to punish her father too by eloping with Morris and so marrying

[01:05:17] Morris would be like an act of revenge against her father and in a way there are two acts of revenge in the film there's her attempted elopement with Morris and wanting to punish her father right and then there's her rejection of Morris at the end although the elopement doesn't really happen so maybe it's more accurate to say that the act of revenge against her father is when he's dying and she refuses to go see him

[01:05:47] that's also an act of revenge and when she's kissing and all of that with Morris and they decide to elope she makes it very clear that her father will disown her and disinherit her and

[01:06:41] not fully free until the end of the film when she tries to run away with Morris I think that is part of it she wants to be free and she thinks that she will be free with him she doesn't know at the time that he is not the path to her freedom at all and I think the ending like I said is the true freedom because she frees herself from both her father and Morris and she has to learn you are not going

[01:07:11] to escape one man the tyranny or domination of one man by falling into the arms of another that is often not what works when you try to leave your bad family situation and then you run into the arms of another man who doesn't love you that is not freedom I would argue that no man is the path to freedom that is what the film I think exposes to us no man is going to grant you full freedom

[01:07:41] and if she had run away with Morris and they had eloped if he had shown up that would not have been freedom at all she would have been walking into a loveless marriage and she would have been used and the thing is Morris love is a compensation and I think that she needs to live in that delusional romantic fantasy for a while I think we all do it just has to happen I'll never forget like somebody telling me

[01:08:10] after I was trying to recover from my unrequited love they told me well you weren't going to go your whole life and not feel something for somebody right like I tried to suppress desire I tried to avoid it I feel anything for anybody because I had been given a script of you look a certain way you don't fit beauty standards and so you are not

[01:08:40] allowed to desire you're not allowed to fall in love you are not wanted you are not cherished you're not adored this is not available to you that's what I was told my whole life and that was just constantly reinforced it is still reinforced as I've told you it's not happened for me I am not sought out I am not viewed in that way in a romantic way I can't

[01:09:10] even conceive of myself in that way if I'm being honest with you because it's never happened I told myself well I'm I'm just gonna wall this off I'm gonna repress it I'm not gonna go near it but you can't and she can't either she can't not feel something for somebody and he presented himself to her and showed interest in her and asked her questions and pursued a connection with her how was she supposed to resist it

[01:09:39] it's not it's not reasonable to say well she should have just shut off her desire so she has to have this delusional fantasy for a while and the end of the film is her freedom from that fantasy or from fantasy in general and the fantasy is also that marriage will make you whole that a man will complete you right that the love of a man will validate you and confirm your worth right she never had her mother's love

[01:10:09] she didn't have her father's love and Morris is this object that she attaches all of her longing and love and fantasy to and she's telling aunt Lavinia as she's waiting for Morris that night he goes away to get the carriage and she's telling aunt Lavinia he thinks I'm pretty he wants me he must take me away he must love me he must and she's almost talking like a child she's very riled

[01:10:39] up but she's talking like a child enough then he will that's not how it works and she has to learn that and I had to learn it just because you want him to love you just because you have all kinds of things in common just because you love him and you care about him and you feel something for him that does not mean he will give it back it doesn't mean that he can he is capable of giving it back

[01:11:09] but she is like he must he must because Morris must love her right she says he must Morris will love me for all those who didn't Morris must love her because of all the people who didn't he is the compensation he's the reward that she's waited for her whole life he's the reflection the mirror of her worth the one who will validate and confirm that she is lovable that is what this man is to her

[01:11:39] I understand it because I've lived it this man must make up for all of these years that she lived with rejection all the years she was ignored and unloved everything hinges on him coming to her that night and them running away he is more than himself this is also what makes unrequited love so difficult to get past is that you make somebody so powerful this person must love me

[01:12:08] and I felt that I felt it I was like he has to love me back but he didn't and Morris doesn't love her and he does not show up and he does not come back for her and she just lets out a wail because she knows that she's been lied to that she's been used he's not going to get she just wails and yells out his name over and over again

[01:12:38] total heartbreak and devastation and then she walks up those stairs with the suitcases that image of her with those suitcases says everything that words cannot say it is an image that is just so searing absolute desolation and despair because when she's walking up that staircase she's having to walk back to a life that she thought she was going to escape because that's what Morris represented he was going to

[01:13:08] be the love that she never got to have and the life that she dreamed of and she had hoped when she descended the stairs the night before or the hours before she had hoped that she would never have to walk back up those stairs again she thought she was walking to her new life with a man who loved her and cared about her and she realizes she's not going to leave that house she's not going to leave her father she's not going to leave that bedroom she's not going to leave that house on Washington square it also made me think about

[01:13:38] the Henry David Thoreau quote about people living these lives of quiet desperation I'm paraphrasing of course we do we think something else is possible something is stirred in us a desire I do think a lot of us just live our lives almost comatose and then something comes along that jolts us that stirs us and

[01:14:08] it awakens a desire in us for a person a life a dream ultimately for something more and there is nothing like watching somebody or experiencing it yourself watching somebody stirred to their delts by longing and desire and then having that completely extinguished inside of them and I felt it that was my experience it was this moment when I dared to desire something more

[01:14:38] in my life something more than my spinster life my life of grief and loss and pain that I had carried like those suitcases that Catherine is carrying I had carried that weight for decades when I met this man just like when Catherine meets Morris I thought something more was possible that a different story could be lived that somebody finally saw me and loved and could love me and want me and choose me and it was one of the most

[01:15:08] devastating experiences of my life next to the death of my parents and that is saying a lot but when that desire gets activated and stirred in you when you feel that hope and then you watch it be extinguished or you feel it be extinguished it is devastating it is annihilating Morris's rejection of her is an initiation like I said it is her rite of passage it is the threshold it is the

[01:15:37] before and the after that changes her forever she's crushed and it will change you forever it will change you forever I don't know if I've ever fully recovered from what I went through how deeply it annihilated me that's just the truth I wish I could say differently but I can't I don't think there's anything wrong with admitting that there is a Catherine before Morris's abandonment and there

[01:16:10] died inside her a version of her has died and this is not the Catherine we knew at the beginning of the film our awkward introverted shy little baby bird that I want to protect right naive and innocent now she's more self-possessed she's going to be wiser we see it in the scene with her father he's sick when they came back from the trip he has gotten sick and he finds out that the engagement has been cut off and this is a very

[01:16:40] powerful scene that happens with her father because she's learned that both of these men don't love her neither of these men saw her as a human being worthy of love and respect and she says to him I and she says I know that now thanks to

[01:17:10] you and he says well better to know it now than 20 years in the future basically and she responds why I lived with you for 20 years before I found out you didn't love me I don't know that Morris would have hurt me or starved me for affection more than you did since you didn't love me you should have let someone else try if I am to buy a man I would prefer buying Morris this is a new Catherine this is not innocent small

[01:17:40] silent Catherine at the beginning of the film she says go ahead and disinherit me if you want to right he doesn't love her he's trying to control her and then she says you don't know what I'll do with your money after you die I might go and you know once once you're dead I might go and get Morris right I might chase after him and squander all your money on him she's almost threatening her father she tells him that she still loves Morris and then she says

[01:18:10] does that offend you or humiliate you that I still love him and I love how she made the connection between when he said Morris doesn't love you and she didn't love me either she lived with her father her whole life and he didn't love her so if she had married Morris or chased after Morris with her money she would just be exchanging one loveless man for another how would her life with Morris have been

[01:18:48] that they exchange one loveless situation for another and it's heartbreaking it's such a brilliant confrontation such a brilliant way to put it like you don't love me any more than he does so what does she have to lose with being with him essentially I admire her in that moment I admire her for getting that backbone right it's very invigorating and exciting and electrifying to watch this woman say everything that she wants to say to speak the truth

[01:19:17] in a way she's unleashed she knows the truth now and that is what and I know it's a cliche the truth will set you free but she is freed by it in a weird way she's not going to be the good girl that's the thing about her she was the good girl I was the good girl I was the people pleaser I stayed small and quiet and shrank myself just like Catherine did scared to have an opinion scared to have any needs scared to be too intense scared to be too

[01:19:47] much scared to be sane and people walked all over me and she's not cared about by people she's talking back she's pushing back she's finding her voice and it's an angry voice maybe even a venomous voice and sometimes it has to be if you've been hurt your whole life and pushed down and cut down particularly by men maybe you have to

[01:20:17] go through the anger to get to something else that is part of the sovereignty right is to get angry when you maybe she is hardened by it who wouldn't be why wouldn't she be hardened by it it's normal and the anger is normal and the anger is part of

[01:21:00] it doesn't mean that you won't soften again but sometimes you have to go through the anger and while I was watching the film I thought I understand Catherine from the inside out like I understand her in the depths of my soul that's the work that I try to do on this podcast is like I'm really exploring my experiences and my feelings in the hopes that that resonates with somebody but I think that we are very complicated people we're even mysterious to ourselves like how do you go from a shy naive woman

[01:21:30] like she is at the beginning or even like I was at one time and then you lose your mind over a man it will always be mysterious to me I have been inside the madness of right I will be restored I will be healed and I don't think we can fully explain it why we even believe that to

[01:22:00] begin with when once you're outside of it it's so ridiculous that you ever believed it it's so clear he wants her money it's so clear that he doesn't love her but when it's you and when you're in it and somebody saying these things that you've crumbs that you're turning into more than what they really are it can lead to a kind of madness it doesn't make sense

[01:22:29] I don't know if we always make sense to ourselves and maybe you have to go to the depths of madness over somebody maybe it needs to happen at least once in your life and sometimes it happens multiple times right I hate therapy speak online I hate how we humans we carry a lifetime of experiences we have so much churning within

[01:22:59] us so much happening inside our minds so much that motivates us I felt like this film touched that mysterious aspect of us is like when you are overcome by your hunger you're overcome by desire everything in your life is converging at once that's what I felt in Catherine like she's just overwhelmed by everything that she feels she almost goes through a crisis she goes through this massive rupture and if you've

[01:23:29] lived it then you can relate to it and to finally come to your senses that's in a way what's happening to her in the film she is a woman coming to her

[01:23:59] senses waking up from the dream and the fantasy she has to be disillusioned and she refuses to go to her father's bedside as he's dying she has been fundamentally changed she is a different woman but she has to go through these experiences she has to lose all of her illusions I'll never forget an interview that Parker J. Palmer did he was doing this talk with bell hooks I'll never forget when he said something like he was grateful for his

[01:24:28] disillusionment it was such an interesting way to frame it he said there are certain illusions that we should lose that we have to lose and that's how I see Catherine that she has to come into her own she has to stand up for herself and it changes her what she goes through that's what happened to me is like I was changed in such deep and fundamental ways and I guess I had to lose those illusions right like they had to go I have to strip away more and more

[01:24:58] of them because no matter how many illusions you lose there's always your core self who's left and maybe in a way these illusions are covering my core self and I have to keep stripping them away layer by layer until I get to the marrow of who I am the core of who I am and I think every woman has to do that and the thing is I've lost all these illusions and just like Catherine but I want to

[01:25:28] know who I am I like knowing who I am and maybe I didn't know who I was in 2019 when I first watched this film and right before I had my own experience with this I had to learn things I had to grow up in order to value myself in order to see that I am worthy of love and care and to make the decision that I will not settle and I think Catherine does that too like I will not settle for fake love I will not settle for a lie and if it means I'm alone that's what it means because that's

[01:25:58] the thing is like she chooses to stay alone she has to live those standards live those values in a way I think Catherine like to me to admire she is a woman to look up to and she shows us how important it is to walk away to walk away and when she gets to have that confrontation with him at the end

[01:26:27] I mean this is still one of the most powerful endings because she comes face to face with this man again she already knows who he is he's already shown who he is he's already left her once she gave him the benefit of the doubt that first night she loved him and cared about him and he abandoned her he's already shown exactly who he is and she is standing face to face with him and he lies to her he lies to her says that he was

[01:26:57] protecting her he did it to help her he didn't want her to be disinherited by and she knows and she has to make a choice that's what's so fascinating about this ending is that she finally gets a choice she gets to choose if she wants to be with this man or not she has all the information that she needs she is making a fully informed

[01:27:27] choice whereas before she felt more desperate now she has he's the desperate one now he's the desperate one he's back in town and he looks different he has a mustache he kind of looks a little bit thinner right he's not the pretty boy he doesn't have the shine that he had he didn't have the glow that he had before he looks more

[01:27:56] haggard at least that's the way I saw him something very desperate about it and how many people get to have this is the fantasy when somebody leaves you or ghosts you or abandons you there's that fantasy that you get to confront them or you get to turn the tables you get to take back your power in some way right and she fakes it and tells him yeah let's get married and he believes he's gonna get the house and you can tell when he's looking at the house how impressed he is

[01:28:26] with it he thinks they're gonna get married that night he leaves for a little while and while he is gone I love this oh it's still just one of the greatest endings in classic Hollywood for me personally she closes the drapes of the windows she's walking around closing the drapes goes back to her embroidery and tells aunt lavinia you know he's gotten greedy first he wanted her money and now he also wants her love right and aunt lavinia tells her you know

[01:28:56] you you're cruel she accuses her of being very cruel and Catherine says yes I can be cruel I have been taught by masters I love that I have been and that is all that men like Morris really deserve and this is revenge it's very cathartic as well to watch this film to watch a woman get this kind of revenge on a man who hurt her

[01:29:26] and like I said there were two acts of revenge not going to her father's deathbed and what she does to Morris at the end making him think they're going to get married and he's going to have this he's going to live very well with Catherine in Washington Square but she rejects him and we don't all get to do that most of us will never get to do that she refuses to buy love she refuses to

[01:29:56] live a life and we can hear the carriage coming down the street clopping down the road the carriage that she was waiting for years ago and he's finally there on the doorstep wanting to marry her exactly what she wanted the scenario has now replayed it's almost like this reparative experience and I also think it's a great reminder that sometimes the thing we think we won't we are really being protected

[01:30:25] from it we are being spared I love that Jenny Holzer truism I still think it's one of the best things ever and one of the truest protect me from what I won't it's true protect me from what I won't years before this is what she had wanted she wanted this man to be in the carriage to come and take her away from her father and to love her she wanted to escape that house escape her father but she was not going to be able to escape her father

[01:30:55] through another man through a man who didn't love her so now that he's at the door pounding on the door she tells Mariah her housekeeper she says bolt the door oh I love it I love the power of this ending she finishes her embroidery she snips that last thread it is one of the most electrifying invigorating final scenes that I have ever witnessed I

[01:31:25] second time this woman has completely come into her own she has chosen truth and reality and she is choosing a life that honors her she is rejecting illusion and fantasy and lies and she is rejecting this man who lied to her face multiple times a man who manipulated her a man who lied to her I think we know what he would have done in that marriage he would have

[01:31:55] cheated on her I'm sure he would have spent the money I'm sure he would have done all kinds of things it would not have been a happy life for her it would not have been a life of love because he is not the man that she believed that he was he's not the fantasy and the thing is that she's choosing to be alone because there is not another man to choose she will be alone she knows that I mean we don't know if she would meet somebody eventually but that's a big deal

[01:32:25] in the mid 1800s for a woman when you were expected to get married to have children massive social pressure to do that she chooses a life of singlehood of sovereignty of being alone and as he is banging on that door instead of holding her suitcases like she did before she ascends the staircase holding a light it looks like it's some kind of lamp right she's holding a lamp that's her triumph and we see the

[01:32:54] smile on her face instead of and respected herself and I'm fascinated by that lamp right like the light of it the illumination clarity seeing the reality of this man being

[01:33:24] enlightened she is fully self-actualized by the end of this film she has gone from illusion to reality she has learned something about herself she has changed and she has chosen that over what might have been easier what might have been more acceptable to society which is to live the lie to put up with him to marry him and let him cheat let him do whatever he wants to do but at least you can say you're married

[01:33:54] and that you have a man and that you were chosen she goes from innocence to experience but she's not losing is she I don't think she's losing or she's not losing anything that shouldn't be lost perhaps that's a better way to put it this is a full transformation and I've lived it myself there is a loss of innocence a loss of naivete maybe I'm not as open as I once was I see the world in a different way maybe sometimes I see it

[01:34:24] in a harsh way but what is the cost of continuing with the illusions what is the cost of Catherine staying innocent and naive so instead of her initiation happening through being with a man because that's what tends to happen for a lot of women like I said earlier getting married having sex being in a relationship instead her initiation and her growth and her self actualization happens through not just

[01:34:59] man that's when I feel that she is fully self actualized is when she makes the choice to cut him off to walk away from him when she could have had him it would have been false but she still could have had him this is how she comes to know herself most fully not through marriage not through a relationship but through belonging to herself not belonging to a man not allowing a man to have access

[01:35:29] to her anymore not getting in an unfulfilling and loveless marriage she refuses she rejects it she is self actualized through rejecting him and choosing herself I know that's a very cliche phrase to say choosing yourself I know I don't have like better language for it in this moment she comes to know herself more deeply and to respect herself enough to leave a man and to reject him and he thought he

[01:35:59] could get away with her that she wasn't even a human being she takes back her humanity she takes back her personhood there's something very radical about this ending isn't there he doesn't care about her he doesn't love her he's the fortune hunter and her father was right her father was right and she refuses to spend

[01:36:28] 20 more years with a man who doesn't love her this ending is very radical because she's saying i will not settle for this this is beneath me and it's so interesting that she ascends the stairs she's going up she's leaving something behind that is beneath her and she is ascending she's going somewhere higher but there was so much pain in the process there was so much suffering to get to that point but she says i

[01:36:58] am not going to settle for a lie i'm not going to settle for a substitute for love or counterfeit love rather than the real thing and i am not going to settle for someone who treats me like my father did and i think there's something very radical and dignified about that very very powerful she will not be diminished she will not live a counterfeit life or a diminished life she will live for herself she will live for herself and it's one of the most

[01:37:28] powerful things i've ever witnessed and i felt it in my soul i felt that transformation she is choosing her own path and not a lot of women choose that path right she is altering a different story and she is living for herself and respecting and honoring herself and she is a model and an example to all women when she walks away from that man and i think many women can relate to that moment of walking away from something

[01:37:58] harmful walking away from someone who does not love you or care about you i admire her i admire the dignity of it and the strength of it to walk away and to walk toward a life that is more uncertain more unknown maybe scarier less conventional but to choose it nonetheless to fully choose it so thank you so much for listening until next time keep watching great films