Today, a butterfly landed on my hand! This has never happened before. I let it perch there for a few minutes. It was such a special moment and made me smile.
May and June are unbearably painful for me. This will be my first Mother's Day without my mom. Then, in late May, it will be 20 years since my father's death. In June, there is my father's birthday, the one-year mark of my mother's death, and then Father's Day.
I'm doing my best to function and survive. I'm very gentle with myself. I let myself rest. I drink my iced coffee on the porch each morning. I pull a tarot card at the beginning of each day. I crochet. I watch cozy anime shows. I reach out to my friends.
The grief has blown me apart, but I'm still here somehow. Still living without the two people I loved the most. I wish this wasn't real.
"Clearing" by Grouper
Sometimes I wish
That none of this had happened
Let our sad song
Be carried out to sea