"There are no miracles. There is just this. The love that nourished your happiness will nourish your pain."
— Geneviève Jurgensen, The Disappearance: A Primer of Loss
Me and my mother were one. She kept me alive after my father's death. I always knew that, but now that she is gone and there is no one to help me through losing her, I see how she literally saved my life.
My mother gave me life twice: first when she birthed me from her body, and second when she loved me and cared for me after my father died. She made life possible. It's why we never parted. It's why I always lived with her and never left her side for 36 years until she was taken from me last year.
I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to live without her. A light has gone out inside me. Everything is dull and dim. I can barely put words together. I feel so destroyed.
Mary-Frances O'Connor talks about the grieving body on the Being Well podcast
I listened to this recently, and it helped a bit. I'm trying so hard to care for myself and to survive the devastation of losing her.