"Obstacle 1" by Interpol
Charlotte Martin's cover of "Obstacle 1"
Some might think these daily blog posts are silly. Or ask why I'm sharing them here instead of a social media site, like Instagram.
I was tired of being a speck in someone's feed. I was tired of my life being scrolled by or flipped through as people moved on to the next shiny thing. I was tired of caring about likes, views, shares, replies, and read receipts. I was tired of impersonal interactions, of connecting with people and thinking we were "friends" only to be told that, after all the sharing and talking, we didn't really know each other because it was, after all, just social media.
And, of course, those same people sought me out in the first place, never knowing what it took for me to open up to them, trust them, and let them into my life, only to be ignored and discarded when they decided I was no longer worth the effort.
If these social media sites are so meaningless, then why do people spend so much of their time on them? If I'm disposable, then why am I giving strangers access to my inner life at all? It apparently means nothing in the end. I wonder if any of those people will ever stumble upon these posts? I'm sure they don't give me a second thought. What was I after all but a chat thread, an assemblage of pixels on their smartphone screen.
So, I made this secret garden where I safekeep little treasures I discover. I put my inner world here now, instead of offering it to those who cannot appreciate it. For years, despite all the pain of being a caregiver for my mom and then losing her, I've tried to find pockets of beauty. Maybe it's a song or a cloud or a new recipe. Those are the things I share here. This is my life, and it matters. It is more than a blip in someone's endless feed.